The Pint Pot Mystery Unfolds

I've recently discovered that Ian Rankin (author of the Rebus detective novels) lives just up the road, and frequents the Costa at Holy Corner, which is the crossroads surrounded by three churches very near to where we pick up Livvie every morning. J K Rowling also lives nearby, but she is not fit to wipe my mate Ian's kitchen surfaces imho.

A mystery is developing worthy of Mr. Rebus' attention:

Dramatis Personnae

Detective Inspector John Rebus, a world-weary, battle hardened, slightly overweight policeman
Neil Davidson, a senior physician in his late sixties with a strong resemblance to Richard Briars
Jill Davidson, wife of Neil, and former cookery school owner
Frank Boddy, a promising young chef
Mrs Stirrup-Sturrit-Syrup, a ginger-haired housekeeper
Fat Bloke, with mate, delivering and assembling yet another garden shed off the back of a truck
Clarissa, luscious but dimwitted daughter of the High Sheriff of Yorkshire

Scene 1, the basement flat of a large house in Marchmont, Edinburgh

Boddy (stretching) Ah tis a beautiful morning in Bonnie Scotland, but how I yearn for the green hills of South Yorkshire.
Davidson Ah, Frank. About those missing pint pots. I'm going to ask Jill to have a word with Mrs Stirrup, (aside) because basically I'm too afraid to go near her.
Fat Bloke Where d'you want this shed putting up guvnor?
Davidson Oh, just assemble it in the bottom corner of the garden next to all the other ones my good man
Fat bloke Right you are, guv
Boddy Well, I'm jiggered if I know where they've gone to Neil. I did ask Clarissa but she swears she's not seen them. Nor the teaspoons, neither. Not.
Davidson (unconvincingly) Don't worry old chap we'll clear this up. I've asked my old friend Inspector Rebus from up the road to pop round to help out.
Rebus Mornin' tae ye all. Half a Deuchars and a single malt please. Oh reet, that's nae the back room of the Oxford bar, its a newly assembled shed. Mae mishtake.
Fat Bloke (with hammer) bang, bang, bang.
Boddy Well I'm not accusing anyone, but the way I see it Mrs Stirrup-Sturrit-Syrup must have moved them because I've already asked Clarissa, as I might have mentioned already, but wanted to re-enforce it from the audience's perspective.
Rebus I'm going to have tae ask youse tae accompany me to the station
Boddy (like a shot) Why, which train are you getting?
Rebus Stitch that buddy
Boddy Arrrgggh. And its Boddy not buddy.
Jill (breezing down the stairs in a fluffy dressing gown). Morning, morning morning children. Now then, my suspicion would be (looks round furtively) that the glasses are in that room (she points accusingly towards Clarissa's boudoir)
Mrs Stirrup-Sturrit-Syrup (holding up a pair of shoes) Och, would ye look at those high heels. How on earth can ye walk in thooos?
Boddy I can assure you they are not mine Mrs Stirrup-Sturrit-Syrup. Perhaps they belong to Clarissa?
Fat Bloke Shed's up, love. I'm orf.
Jill Never mind that children. Frank, have you looked for the glasses in Clarissa's room?
Boddy Not bloomin likely!
Jill Mrs S., once the coast is clear, pray search the room for aforementioned pint pots.
Mrs S (muttering) Aye, I suppooose sooo...

Scene 2, later that day. The basement flat. Boddy returns from a gruelling day at cookery school

Boddy My goodness gracious, the drawer is once again full of appropriate glassware! Hmm, this reminds me of a previous episode where I suspected Clarissa might be telling less than the truth...

Scene 3, a flashback to couple of weeks ago. Boddy is in Sheffield

Ring, ring
Boddy Ah, that would be my phone!
Davidson Frank, sorry to bother you old chap, but I'm looking for the spare set of keys so I can give them to your new flatmates, Sophie and Kylie (yes really)
Boddy Sorry Neil, no idea where they might have got to (puts phone down)
Boddy (aside) Hmm, I wonder if Clarissa ever put back the set of keys she borrowed when she lost hers. I'll ring her to check... (there is no reply)

Scene 4, the basement flat, Boddy returns from a glorious weekend in Sheffield.

Boddy Hi Clarissa, did you get my voicemail
Clarissa Oh, yeah, like whatever.
Boddy So did you still have the keys you borrowed the other week?
Clarissa Like, nooooooo! I put them back straight away, like yeah?
Boddy Hmm, still a mystery then, what?
Rebus A pint of heavy and a bridie, love.
Davidson Any luck with those keys Frank?
Clarissa (walking over to key tin) Oh look, they're like here. They must have been like here all the time! Sooooo cool.
Boddy and Davidson (in unison) Hmmmm!

The curtain falls.