A Tale of Two Grahams

We had a real treat this morning. Chris, a member of staff at the school who seems to flit in and out whenever he feels like it, and an ex-network engineer, which isn't really relevant, was preparing a smoked salmon for a wine tasting evening at the school on Saturday, and Lizzie asked him to demonstrate the process to us. Thing is, you pay £33.99 for a couple of slices of smoked salmon laid on a piece of cardboard at Sainsbury's, or you can buy a whole fish for £20 and do it yourself very easily, apparently. Fascinating stuff: Chris descaled, cleaned and filleted the fish, then put it in a cure of salt and sugar, in which it sits for 24 hours, wrapped tightly in clingfilm in the fridge (curing is a process whereby the salt kills the bad bacteria in the fish or meat, and the sugar feeds the good bacteria, which are then sufficiently muscled up to take care of the bad bacteria on their own henceforth). Tomorrow he is going to wash the curing mixture off, and smoke it for a couple of minutes over pine shavings - job done!

We then got on with the day's scheduled activities: beef in various stews and casseroles (4 different ones, 1 per team), soda bread, parsnip and potato mash, roasties, tarte tatin and tarte fine. By the time we'd finished doing all that it was 2.30, so lunch was a little late, but very welcome. By the time we'd polished that off and tried everyone else's efforts, it was 3, and then it takes more or less an hour to wash up, tidy, put everything away and sweep the place. Its usually about 4 when we knock off and head back up the M8.

There couldn't be a greater contrast between the two Grahams. Graham 1 is a gentle giant. Jovial, rugby-playing, and quietly-spoken, the son of a local butcher. He is doing the course to add to the butchery skills he's been learning. When he kneads bread it is as if he's carelessly folding a sheet of paper a few times, while the rest of us have to put our full weight behind every push and stretch. The other day he brought in a bag of unrecognisable chicken parts and slapped them onto the demonstration table, at which point Hervé gleefully rubbed two fingers together with a twinkle in his eye: "Is ve-ry chip stock today!".

Graham 2 on the other hand is one of three students who I shall label the Irritating and Noisy Gang, the others being the American megaphone on legs Katherine who I mentioned earlier (OK, so first impressions aren't always correct), and Jacqui, who I think is mainly just led along by the other two. Graham spent much of his childhood in Kenya, his father ran a large farm of some sort "but he sold it when he bought the airline". Graham goes shootin' and fishin' a lot, which is bad enough (especially as he can't eat fish because of some life-threatening allergic reaction). But the thing that really gets me is that he is one of those people who has a story about absolutely everything, and always knows a better way of doing something. He is also familiar with every kind of plant and animal in the world, has done every possible activity, been everywhere, and I'm surprised he is still alive. Not because of the dangerous activities, I'm just surprised nobody has murdered him yet. He (and the other I.N.G. members) always talk through demonstrations, to the point where yesterday Lizzie said to two of them, in her best schoolteacher voice "I'm going to have to split you up if you carry on like that". Children, children.

MONKFISH WITH PANCETTA AND CREAM

I cooked this for myself and Click for tea last night. It is a modified version of a Keith Floyd recipe, but none the worse for it.

1 monkfish fillet per person (or to put it another way 1 fish between 2)
Pancetta cubes (or 1 rasher unsmoked bacon, chopped)
shallots and leeks, finely sliced
cream, butter and oil
1/2 glass white wine (the best way to get this bit accurate is to pour a whole glass and drink half)
1 egg yolk
1/2 tsp mustard

Make sure all the skin and membrane is removed from the monkfish, as if left it will distort the shape of the fish when cooked.

1. Cut the monkfish into chunky chunks - about 6 per fillet.
2. In a large frying pan gently fry the pancetta/bacon, shallots and leeks in a little butter and oil for 5-10 minutes until pancetta is starting to brown
3. Throw in the wine and cook for 2 minutes
3. Add the fish and cook for 5- 10 minutes, ensuring it cooked on all sides
4. Mix the egg yolk and 1/2 teaspoon mustard, and stir in
5. Pour in a little cream, and mix through. Don't overboil.

Serve with plain rice (we had brown basmati and wild rice).

The egg yolk can be omitted. Its purpose is to colour the sauce, and bind it a little, but it can make it a little sickly. Do not use turmeric or saffron instead as it spoils the flavour.