Fish Week

This week we have been treated to a Top Chef, who was flown in especially to teach us all about fish. The Guy's name is Pip, he's Australian, and he's a private chef who has cooked for (he says) the Queen (or possibly just "Queen"), Princess Anne, everybody who's anybody in the House of Lords, Hugh Grant, and so on. I'm quite sure about this because he gave us this information several times, just to make sure. Name dropping of the highest order.

It was, I have to say, very different from what we had been used to. His techniques and ideas were much more innovative, not the traditional recipes we've used over the last few weeks. His approach was very different, for example his attitude to hygiene was non-existent (one chopping board fits all, dipping licking fingers in everything), and he was extremely disparaging about our chopping skills, insisting that we did 10 minutes chopping exercises every day, until the end of the course. He's probably right about that - the practice I've put in has paid dividends already. The carrot and leek population of Scotland has been substantially reduced over the last couple of days. The EU brunoise (tiny little chopped cubes of vegetable-y stuff) mountain is now the size of Belgium.

The subject of the week was fish. We learned how to fillet mackerel, trout and plaice, and then cook the resulting fillets in various ways. The most important thing, I discovered, was to have the filleting knife as sharp as possible. So my sharpening skills have improved as well!

The emphasis on presentation was also very revealing, especially on how to charge £13.95 for a dish that you might normally get for £4.95, and where the ingredients only cost £1.50. Its all about putting less of it on an enormous plate, we discovered.

Photo: the grounds at Newliston (the school) on a bright February morning

But, as far as the quality of the food that was produced at the end of all this, it was very very disappointing. None of the 5 or 6 dishes we cooked were tasty, one or two barely edible. No doubt Pip would argue this was because we were not following his advice of taste, taste, taste, but if you're starting off with 2 carrots and half a leek, there's only so much you can do to create an enticing "broth" to go with your rolled plaice stuffed with smoked trout moussillon (which sounds great, and probably would be if we had steamed it instead of submerging it in dishwater). Even that old reliable, the fish pie, was tasteless, mainly due to using a veloute (stock based) rather than a milk based white sauce.

So here is a trusty and cheap alternative I started making when I was about 22 (yes, a long, long time ago).

MACKEREL PIE (serves 2-3)

1 large filletted mackerel (skinned)
sliced potatoes (or can use mash)
sliced mushrooms
1 glass white wine oyster sauce
1 tin chopped plum tomatoes
1 thinly sliced fennel head (optional)
1/2 chopped onion
grated cheese
salt
butter
sunflower or olive oil
breadcrumbs, grated cheese

1. Fry the onions and fennel (if using) in oil or butter. Add tomatoes and wine and simmer for 10-15 minutes.
2. Sprinkle salt on potato slices and steam for 10 minutes until just tender
3. Cut fish into good-size chunks, roll in flour, fry gently in oil for 3-4 minutes
4. Place fish in oven dish. Cover with sliced mushrooms. Add 2 teaspoons (or more, its what gives it the rich flavour) oyster sauce to tomato sauce mix then pour over fish. Top with potatoes, spotted with butter.
5. Sprinkle with breadcrumbs and cheese
6. Cook uncovered for 45 minutes, gas 5.

Serve with sliced green beans, and a lightish red wine.